THIS IS GOD’S BATTLE, NOT MINE.

 

Many people know this, but this past year I have been battling Lyme’s Disease. I found out that I probably was bite by a tick sometime between 7th-8th grade. That’s when things started to change for me. About 50% of people with Lyme’s Disease don’t even realize they were bit or get a rash on their body

As several people have tried to understand what Lyme’s Disease is nobody really truly understands what it does to a person mentally and physically unless you go through it yourself or know someone who is going through it. I don’t know how to tell people how I am feeling when they ask. I usually lie and say I’m doing fine. The truth is…it depends on the day. Some days I am really good and some days I can’t even get out of bed. Lyme’s Disease is known as the “Invisible Disease” because when you look at a person who has Lyme’s Disease they look “normal” and “fine.” But on the inside they are a mess. This year has been very messy for me…inside and and out. I was accepted into Moody Bible Institute in the Fall of 2018. I was so excited and so ready to begin my future and finally be where I thought God was calling me to.

Well, God’s plan is always going to be a mystery to us…as I am finding out…

First semester didn’t go quite as I had planned. I failed 2 classes and really struggled. Second semester I was hoping for a better outcome and trying to stay positive. But all the positive thoughts in the world couldn’t stop my brain fog, pain, fatigue, feeling defeated, and many others until I finally had to withdrawal. At school I spent most of my time in my room laying in bed or sleeping and when I did go out I had to really force myself. I was tired all the time. I didn’t understand what God was trying to tell me.

I wasn’t listening to Him.

God kept telling me to trust Him and to read His Word and I didn’t want to listen. I was mad and angry.

Having Lyme’s Disease has really affected my relationship with God over the past few years (especially once I had a name for my diagnosis).

When I got home I remembered one of my goals for 2019…

• Grow closer to God

Sometimes (well, most of the time) we don’t take the time to slow down, and that’s when God stops us and sends us a reminder to do just that. I believe this year is my reminder from God to slow down and focus on Him. (along with focusing on my health) 

In my determination to get through my second semester at Moody I ignored the severity of my symptoms and how it was effecting me.  I also disregarded what God had been telling me for the past few years… to slow down and take a break from school.  This is not to say that I was not to be at Moody but it took me being there to recognize that God had other things in store for me, and that my Lyme’s Disease was going to take every ounce of my effort.

I am now taking this time while home to grow closer to God, my family and to begin the healing process without the distractions and pressures of school.

The past two weeks has been a lot for me. I have been feeling sorry for myself (hey, sometimes that is needed) and at times I feel like I am losing the battle. Then, I was reminded of my victories.

The other night my mom and dad invited me to join their Bible study on 2 Samuel 8.

• David’s Victories.

I honestly didn’t understand a word of that passage when reading it. But, as I was sitting here writing this blog I realized that David had a very interesting life. David struggled and had bad days, but also had victories, just like me. I may struggle and have bad days, but I have and will continue to have victories.

I ask that you join me in prayer. Not only for me but for the 300,000 people who are diagnosed with Lyme’s Disease each year.

Heavenly Father,

I pray that you be with us today and everyday in the future. We don’t know your plans for us but I pray that you stand by us as we are struggling. Struggling with this disease that has taken over our body, mind, and well-being. Be with us when we are in pain or when we are feeling down.

I pray that you be with our family and friends that they will be the support we need to get through this each and every day. I pray for all the prayer warriors to rise up and pray for us. God you know how we are feeling and what we are going through. Help us to seek comfort in you and to hold onto your Word. Help us to see our victories and our triumphs in life. We need you now more then ever. I pray that we seek guidance through our friends and family to help us and to be there during the hard days.

We love you Lord Jesus. Thank you!

Amen.